Choices

Bill and I had to make a lot of choices last week. 

We had to choose our baby's casket, where she would be buried, what she would wear, who would speak and pray,  and the flowers that would make it all beautiful. 

Everyone involved made the whole process as easy as possible, which I will forever be grateful for. 

Next we had to choose the music for the service and pictures for a DVD. 

I will say that all the planning and decision-making made the days fly by without a lot of dwelling on the fact that Dru is gone. 

It's the nights that are hard.

 Bill especially misses her in the evenings, I think because that's when he would spend the most time with her. 

I'm not sleeping that great. I don't think Bill is either. Dru never was a great sleeper so I think we are still on her schedule. And once I'm awake I just replay her last day in my mind over and over. I hope it plays itself out soon. 

One choice we made last week that we were adamant about is that her service was not a funeral. It was a celebration. We refuse to mourn her life. 

She is amazing

She is love

She is an angel

She changed our lives

Those are the things I want to focus on. 

My brother made a DVD with some of our favorite pictures of her and some happy songs that always remind me of her. 

Here are some of the cousins watching it:

We wrapped her in a beautiful blanket made for her by her cousin Addie and our immediate family each placed a memento in her casket with her. My little B gave her a Minnie Mouse and my big boy, Trey, wrote a message only he knows on a baseball. Both so appropriate. 

Then we moved to the chapel for the tribute part of the celebration. Both grandpas did a fantastic job with their talks. 

Bill's niece, Amy, sang Amazing Grace, and it was beautiful. 

Then my best friend, Jane, read Dru a letter from me. http://lifelovelaughter5.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-letter-from-mom.html?m=1

Everyone we loved was here. Including our liver team, some of our favorite nurses and techs, and our social worker from the adoption agency, Hope, who has become such a dear friend. 

Now it was time for the graveside ceremony. I really did not want this part to be sad. I know in my heart that Dru was not in that casket so I didn't want to get all dramatic about her being in the cemetery. 

That's not where she is. So we made the choice to send messages to heaven. 

Everyone who was there got to write a message and attach it to a balloon. Once the grave was dedicated, we released the balloons. 

I loved it. 

Now we have new choices to make. We have to choose how to go on without her  

We will never really be without her. She will always be with us. 

All through this adventure, I have said that we have made a conscious effort to look on the bright side of things. 

We are CHOOSING to still do this. It's hard, yes. But so worth it. 

Being sad or mad and angry does none of us any good. And I feel that emotions like that are not very welcoming to the angel I want to visit often. 

So I choose happy.