Lifted Up

Sometimes I think that Bill and I are not normal. Or maybe we are just lucky. 

Dru is a very sick baby, but we don't see it. 

Dru is fighting for her life everyday, and at times that can be overwhelming. But for the most part, we just have this amazing sense of gratitude that she is here. And, more importantly, that she is ours. 

I sometimes feel like maybe we should be more worried or sad, but we just aren't and I can't really explain it. 

I do have some theories though:

1) Dru herself is a healing soul. 

She has a spirit about her that just makes you love her and know that she is special. Not more special than my boys, just different. 

Her smile cancels out EVERYTHING. The sleepless nights, the feeding tube, the blood draws, and the frustration of not knowing what is hurting. 

2) As a family we decided to focus on the positive and try to live as "normal" as possible.

Yes, the first couple weeks after learning about her illness were hard. A lot of tears, a lot of weak moments. But ultimately, we realized what a blessing Dru has been to our family. 

It is a little harder to do our day-to-day activities, but we try, and that's what's important. We have been so fortunate so far to have Dru at home and be able to participate in all our family activities. 

It takes extra planning. We may not be able to stay at events as long as we'd like, but we are trying. 

I know there will come a time when Dru is too sick to attend ballgames or family dinners, so we will enjoy the heck out of them while we can, even if it's harder. 

3) Most importantly, our family, especially Bill and I, have learned to turn our troubles over to The Lord. 

There is a peace in our home that has never been here before and It is what keeps me strong and positive everyday. 

I am often reminded that I can't do it all, as much as I would like too. But who better to turn my cares over to than my Savior? Who better to watch over my children when I feel like I'm failing?

Dru's full name is Gracie-Dru Symone Shipley. Her first name (Grace) is no accident. 

We know that it is God's grace that brought her to us, and it will be His grace that carries us through this adventure, and all our future adventures. 

Milestones

With all the excitement of weddings and graduation around here I forgot to post about Dru reaching a pretty awesome milestone. 

She is starting to sit up by herself!!!! It's only for a short amount of time but we are pretty excited. 

The size (52 cm) and weight of her Buddha belly has made her a little slow at developing--she can't roll and because she is high-centered on the belly she can't crawl. 

I know once she gets her transplant she will hit these milestones too, so I try not to stress it too much. 

Soon I might be wishing she'd just hold still. Really though, I can't wait to see her bouncing off the walls. 

Click

I have caught myself wishing that I could push Fast Forward on my universal remote and push Play again in about a year when (hopefully) Dru will be on the mend from her transplant. 

Then I feel guilty because that also means speeding through my boys' lives and with them I just want push Pause. Threatening to freeze them so they don't grow up has stopped working. :)

We were able to attend some beautiful events here lately that have helped me to realize that I really don't want to speed things up and miss what's really important. 

My niece got married and my baby boy graduated from preschool. I am so happy that Dru is well enough to go to these family events still. When we first heard her diagnosis I thought she would be missing out on so much, so each time she goes with us (even just to the ballpark) it makes the day even more special. 

The wedding was beautiful. And Dru was awesome. She slept through most of it. Until we got to the car....

If any of you have a child with liver disease you know that their poop is not normal. It's very loose...Let's just say I did not go home in the clothes I left in. 

Thankfully Dru's dress was spared. It's made from a pillowcase my grandma Joe made me when I got married. Needless to say, Dru and I headed home for a shower and a tub. 

The next day was Saturday and that almost always means baseball. Dru was so happy this day. It was a great day. 

Last night my littlest man, Brevin graduated from preschool. It was bittersweet to watch. I was his teacher til last year so it was different for me being in the audience, but nice that I only had to focus on him. He's pretty much awesome. 

And thanks to my mom for taking a family picture of us. I really wanted one at the wedding but we all know how that turned out ;)

As much as I want Dru to be all better and running around feeling good, I will keep trying my best to keep our life as "normal" as possible.  Our "normal" is pretty cool and I want to savor every moment I get with these kiddos. Oh, and Bill is a good guy to hangout with too. ❤️

Twice the Love

Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day. Breakfast in bed, out for lunch and some shopping with the family. It was my first Mother's Day with Dru and I loved that. 

The Saturday before Mother's Day is Birth Mother's Day, and this was a first for me. 

When we first began our adoption adventure, my #1 fear was "sharing" MY baby with a birthmom. I need not have feared. We were blessed with the most amazing belly momma ever!!!  She is a strong, brave, intelligent woman. And she LOVES Gracie-Dru. She loves her so much, she knew she couldn't give her what she needed. And she chose me (us) to raise her baby that she loves so much. Can you imagine doing that? I can't imagine the strength it takes to do that. 

Our adoption was not typical because Dru lived with her belly momma for 3 months. They shared experiences that I will never be a part of. And that's ok. In fact, those memories are the least I can give her first mom. After all she gave me the gift of completing our family, and we get to make new memories. 

I missed her birth, but I get her every birthday. 

I missed her first cry, but now I get to soothe her. 

I will hear her first words, see her first step, and be the first person she sees when she wakes up with a new liver. 

And I will share all these moments with her birth mom as best as I can because something wonderful happened--I love her too. It's like she is a part of our family too and it's an extra blessing because I wasn't expecting it. In fact, I got a surprise message from her yesterday wishing ME a Happy Mother's Day and thanking ME for loving Dru. How humbling is that?

And what a lucky girl that she is loved by 2 moms!!!

Feeding Tube Fashion

Ever since we knew Dru would be getting a feeding tube placed I've been trying to think of ways to make it less, well less ugly honestly. 

I googled "how to bling my NG tube"

My sweet sister-in-law did a search on Pinterest 

Kortni brought up the word "bedazzle"

BUT it was my sweet husband Bill that came up with the winning idea. So simple and doesn't keep me from seeing if her tube is blocked. 

We cut the bottom layer of tape into cuter shapes. Today she is sporting a baseball and a heart. We'll change it up next time. 

I think she can rock it. ;)

Sweet Song

A dear friend of mine read yesterday's blog and emailed this to me today. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvLp4sIamMo&sns=em

This song is perfect. I know I have heard it before, but it means so much more to me now. 

Thanks for the cry Kellie. 

On the Bright Side

I don't even know what to say really. Today has been crazy. I guess I'll just start at the beginning. 

About 2 am Dru woke up crying. I went in, changed her diaper, rocked her for a while.  As I was laying her down I either stepped on her feeding tube or it was caught on the IV pole; either way it was not pretty. Her entire tube came out and the tape snapped off her cheek. Poor little thing screamed and has an owie to prove it. 

On the bright side, we didn't replace her tube immediately and it was nice to see her without it for a little while. 

Once we were all up and moving this morning, we took Dru to UVRMC to get a blood draw. I ALWAYS hate this process. She always looks at me to save her and I have to wait til it's done to give her my comfort. 

On the bright side...she looks to me for comfort. As an adoptive mom that means the world to me. 

After we got home this afternoon, we had a phone call from Dru's birthmom. She is amazing. We are blessed that she chose us to be Dru's family. She is understandably concerned about Dru's condition. She feels guilty that we might feel cheated that we adopted a "bad baby". We put an end to that train of thought as quickly as possible. We are nothing but grateful that our angel found her way to our home. We are nothing but grateful that Dru's belly mom was led by God's hand to our family. Talking with her always brings up mixed emotions. I have a hard time sometimes knowing that one of my greatest joys came from another mom's greatest sorrows. 

On the bright side...little miss magic has 2 families that love her so much and shed tears for her often. 

After the phone call it was time to place a new feeding tube :/. We opted not to call home health and do it ourselves. Bill told me later that he had a feeling come over him that he should do it. AND HE DID!!!! I had a hard time watching her choke a little bit. I may or may not have shed a tear. 

On the bright side...Dru didn't cry at all!! I really honestly feel that if we had a nurse do it, that she would have been on high alert with a stranger and been in tears before anyone even touched her.  She is now sleeping soundly and peacefully. 

My girl is a rock star and she amazes me daily with her happiness and smiles.

Brought to my Knees

I have been thinking a lot about everything that has happened to our family in the past year. Just like everyone else there have been ups and downs. 

A year ago we began our adoption adventure. Anyone who has gone through this before knows that you feel hopeful and hopeless at the same time. I jumped everytime the phone rang, hoping it was THE call. 

We enjoyed our summer of watching our oldest play a lot of baseball. Watching him improve makes me so proud. 

Our youngest son went to a new teacher for preschool and I watched him slowly not be so dependent on me. (I had quit teaching to prepare for having a new baby)

We were lucky enough to be able to drive back to Tennessee to spend thanksgiving with Bill's parents. 

We got THE call a week before Christmas that our baby girl had found us and she was sleeping in her crib, in our home, 10 days later. And another blessing was that my best friend and Bill's parents were here visiting so they were able to meet Gracie-Dru. 

6 weeks after bringing her home, we were told that Little Miss Magic had biliary atresia. Her only option is a life-saving liver transplant. 

Of course we hadn't planned on this, and of course our world was turned upside down for just a little bit. And of course we are very focused on Dru and are very aware she has a disease. But that is not all we are focused on. 

We choose to focus on the fact that she is in a family that loves her. She has brothers that worry about her and cry when she's put through something no baby should have to endure. She came to a family that prayed non-stop for her before we even knew her. 

She came to a daddy that will protect her with everything he's got and wanted that daddy/daughter bond so badly that he put aside all doubts to make it happen. And it has happened already in such a short amount of time. 

She came to a mom that fought for her for years before she was even conceived. And I'm not about to stop now. We are a family of fighters :)

So please don't feel sorry for us. We are blessed. We are happy. We are hopeful. 

Yes, we have been brought to our knees many times. But never in despair, never in defeat. Always in gratitude. And we will continue to do so.