Parachute

Today has been nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing too exciting, and nothing too traumatic. 

I just woke up with a feeling of not being "enough".

I feel sometimes that I am not up to the task of being this special girl's mom. 

She is so much braver and stronger than me. 

I really make an effort to choose a positive attitude about Dru being so sick. If I don't, it would be so easy to drown in sadness and defeat. And if I go down, I feel like she would too. But sometimes being positive all the time can be exhausting. 

She's really sick. 

Her arms are getting thinner by the day as her belly gets bigger. 

I can feel her bones in her shoulders and back when I pick her up. 

She is eating less

She is sleeping more, but is more restless at night. 

She rarely lets anyone hold her besides Bill or I, and she wants to be held all the time. 

I feel like my boys are falling through the cracks, and that gives me major guilt. 

Whew, it feels good to spill all that. 

I do know that this part of our adventure is temporary. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and this moment, right now, won't last forever. And even tomorrow I will feel better and maybe even be a bit embarassed that I posted this. But I also think it's important for Dru to be able to look back and see how strong she is, to see all the hard things she faced and conquered. 

All these negative thoughts were on my mind today when I decided to get my run in. Running has always been very spiritual and therapeutic for me, and today's run was especially needed. 

Near the end of my run, the song "Parachute" by Train came on my iPhone. The lyrics hit close to home today and I bawled through the entire song. All of it is fitting, but here is the chorus:

I'll open up and be your parachute,

I'll never let you down. 

So open up and be my human angel, 

And we'll only hit the ground running...

Dru is most definitely my human angel, and I am honored and blessed to be her parachute.