Lifted Up

About two months ago I had a conversation about prayer with a friend of mine. And she said something interesting to me that has stuck with me for a while now. She said something along the lines of "I'm not sure what to pray for if it won't change God's will"

I admit that that stumped me. I had never really thought of that before. 

But I've thought of that a lot since. 

And it's changed the way that I pray. It's made me more mindful of what I'm really asking God for. 

In Dru's case I used to pray for a liver. Essentially, that means I was praying for the death of her donor. I realize it may not be as cut and dried as all that, but I don't want to think that my prayers are fighting with the prayers of the family who is losing their loved one. Does that make sense?

So now I pray for strength. 

Strength for my girl to keep fighting until her gift is available (in God's time). 

Strength for Bill to be able to hold us all together. 

Strength for me to accept whatever God's will may be. 

And so far, that prayer has been answered. That's what gives me a reason to be positive and hopeful through each new twist and turn of this transplant adventure. 

Today was a perfect example of that. We came back to Dru's room this morning to a party. Nurses, our GI resident, my sister, techs, an ENT guy, and my baby girl with blood oozing from her mouth and a big bandage on her nose. 

Her clotting time is so bad that her mouth was full of blood from something they couldn't see, and a scratch on her nose just won't scab over.  

Also her breathing is getting faster. And her belly is getting bigger. 

So we are now semi-permanent residents of the PICU. 

Yes I wanted to cry. And I still might. 

I never thought we'd be here. I was hoping we'd beat the odds and skip this part. 

But it's got it's perks. 

Dru will have a nurse watching her constantly. 

She'll be safer. 

We get a change of scenery with the new room. 

Dru now has a new unit of nurses to charm :)

So I guess what I'm saying is, that even though she's getting sicker I don't feel scared. I worry, I'm stressed out, but I know she'll be ok. That me and Bill and the boys will be ok. 

How can I not feel hopeful when I'm lifted up by God's strength. 

How can I not feel blessed when my family finds support from so many. Family, friends, and strangers alike. 

Two great examples of the support we receive came just this weekend. 

1) an amazing woman I came to be friends with through Instagram wrote an incredibly powerful post about our family. I was very touched by this. To read it you can go here : http://www.fitmamamoxie.com/2014/11/let-this-family-story-inspire.html?m=1

2) my brother ran in the Ragnar relay last weekend. His team ran in Dru's honor. They all wore shirts that said "I believe in magic" with #running4herlife on the back. As they crossed the finish line they shouted "I BELIEVE IN MAGIC!!"   Marshall, my brother ran the last leg of the relay and facetimed with me during his last mile. I was sitting here at the hospital rocking Dru. To hear him say he was proud of me and loved me made me cry. It meant a lot to me ❤️❤️

I will pray for continued strength. And I also have a heart full of gratitude for all the prayers offered on our behalf. And all other shows of support. We may not see everything but we feel surrounded by love. 

Thank you all.