This is the chair I have rocked all my babies in.
I will keep this chair forever.
I cannot possibly count the hours we have spent in this chair staring at their perfect faces, wishing we were in our bed, knowing these moments with our babies are temporary...
Tonight I am wishing I was in this chair with my baby girl.
Tonight, and the 26 nights before it--this chair has been empty.
I always knew in the back of my mind that this part of our transplant adventure was coming. But I feel so underprepared.
My baby is not herself. It is so hard to watch her grow more tired everyday.
I miss my boys so badly. But when I am home, I let my stress get the better of me and I'm not the mom I want to be.
I miss Bill. So so much. He will never know how grateful I am that he is working so hard to keep our boys' lives as normal as possible.
I really do not want to complain. We are so blessed in so many ways. But this sh*% is freaking hard.
We've experienced loss and unfulfilled dreams in our life, but this uncertainty that we are feeling now literally brings me to my knees.
I just pray that all the hard stuff will make the good stuff that much greater. I'm giving it up tonight. I'm giving it up to God. I know He will fight for me. I need only be still.
Oh honey. I have so much to say. I can't wait to see you tomorrow and hug the hell out of you.
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm a mother of a child who was born with Alpha 1, a diferent disease, but also a liver disease. I've been in your place, I've lived in hospitals, I even left my country to go to another country to give my son the best chance to fight and have a liver transplant. I also have an older daughter that was missing her mom, her dad and the life she knew before her brother was born. Let me say you this: things will get better. My son had his liver transplant, from his dad, 5 years ago, at the age of two. He is doing great! He plays football, goes to school, is full of energy! Believe! And be brave, for you, her and your family. Alice ( Martim's mom)
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