Yesterday was the day that home health was coming to place Dru's NG tube. It had been weighing heavily on my mind for a few days. Bill thankfully took the day off and sent me on a run (he knows me well). Running is my prayer time and I definitely did that yesterday. The answer to my prayer came to me in a different way.
If you've ever watched Disney's "The Incredibles", think to the part in the movie where Mr. Incredible and ElastiGirl are arguing about Dash trying out for sports. The line from mom, "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!" That is what kept playing in my mind for all of 4 miles.
This feeding tube has NOTHING to do with me and my insecurities about having a sick baby. This feeding tube has everything to do with my Gracie-Dru and keeping her as strong as possible for what's to come. I need to change my thinking and look at her new accessory as a tool to saving her life.
Having found some peace with the situation, it still sucked to watch them place it. It wasn't fun, she doesn't like it. Her brothers don't like it. I can't remember the last time Trey let me hug him while he cried. All of that is awful.
But knowing that she is finally getting enough food, after weeks of watching the number of ounces she drank go down--that brings a peace I wasn't expecting.
Now if only I can keep her from pulling it out...
PS--Dru's photo shoot on Monday was awesome. I'll post some pictures soon.
You my friend are truly amazing.
ReplyDeleteYour words attempt to show your fear....I see nothing but strength! She is one lucky little girl!!
ReplyDeleteYou and Dru are so inspiring. I love you and my heart aches that you have to see her this way but I'm glad you're looking at the positive. Dru is in such good hands with you guys as her family, especially with you as her mom.
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